Am I being selfish?

Because that’s what no one really prepares you for when you leave teaching.

You don’t just leave a job, you leave people. You leave routines, relationships, little faces that looked for you every single day. You leave something that mattered in a way that’s really hard to explain unless you’ve lived it.

And I left in April.

Even now, a year later, I still feel it sometimes. That guilt didn’t just magically go away. It softened, but it never fully left. There are still moments where I think about them and wonder how they’re doing, and there’s a part of me that will probably always carry that with me.

Because I loved them. I really did.

And I think what made it so hard was trying to hold both truths at once… that I loved them deeply, and that I still needed to leave. At the time, it felt like I was constantly battling myself. One side of me knew I needed a change, needed something different, something that felt aligned with the life I was trying to build. And the other side of me felt like I was letting people down, like I was choosing myself at the expense of others.

Looking back now, I know it was the right decision.

But in that moment… it didn’t feel clear. It felt heavy. It felt emotional. It felt like I was walking away from a version of myself that I had poured everything into.

And then, in the most me way possible… I got on a plane.

And it was one of those trips where you don’t even realize how much you needed it until you’re in it. It felt like I could finally breathe again. Like for the first time in a long time, I wasn’t just surviving my life… I was actually living it.

And then I came home… and taught my last week.

Starting my new job at Globus felt like stepping into a completely different life. Remote, flexible, creative… everything I thought I wanted, and honestly, everything I still love.

But what I didn’t expect was how much of an adjustment it would be.

Going from teaching, where every second of your day is accounted for, where you are constantly needed, constantly moving, constantly pouring into others… to suddenly having space. Time. Silence.

It was jarring.

I went from having no time at all to what felt like endless time, and I didn’t really know what to do with it at first. I spent a lot of time alone. More than I ever had before. And if I’m being honest, remote work can feel really lonely.

There were days I missed the chaos. The noise. The feeling of being needed in such an immediate, tangible way.

But at the same time… I think I needed that stillness more than I realized.

So when 2025 came and I didn’t travel as much, when I was forced to actually stay and be present in my life, it felt uncomfortable at first.

But now, looking back… it feels like exactly what I needed.

Like God was gently telling me to slow down.

To stay.

To build something instead of constantly escaping.

And in that stillness, something shifted.

Because when your life flips upside down the way mine did, when you catch the person you thought you were going to spend your life with cheating on you… something in you changes.

And for a long time, I don’t think I was okay.

I think I was healing, but in a messy, all over the place way. I think I was distracting myself. I think I was doing everything I could to avoid sitting in the pain for too long.

Therapy helped. Journaling helped. Traveling helped.

For the first time, I wasn’t focused on healing from someone else… I was focused on building something for myself. And through that, I was finally able to prioritize my relationships in a way I hadn’t before.

I spent the summer making memories that I would’ve missed in past years. Going to ABBA concerts with my parents, having my sisters visit, celebrating both of them graduating, my sister’s bachelorette in Disney… moments that used to feel rushed or squeezed in suddenly felt intentional.

And I also got to reconnect with people I love, like my college friends Bryce and Brooks, who I hadn’t seen in so long. Being able to sit with them, catch up on everything, hear what’s new in their lives, and just laugh like no time had passed… it made me realize how much I had been missing when I was so burnt out and socially drained.

For the first time in a long time, I had the energy to show up for the people I love.

And even though I left teaching… it didn’t fully leave me.

It just looks different now.

And then there’s dating.

Which, if I’m being completely honest, has been one of the most emotional parts of this entire year for me.

I’ve been single for over four years now. Even longer, technically. And for a long time, I knew it wasn’t the right time for me. I had trust issues to work through, wounds to heal, and parts of myself I needed to grow before I could even think about letting someone love me again.

But this year… I finally felt ready.

And I actually tried.

I went on around 10 dates, which for me is a lot. Some were bad. Some were fun. Some turned into multiple dates. Some turned into friendships. And somehow, I even had two meet-cutes on airplanes, which still feels insane.

Because I’m not too much.

I just haven’t been with the right person.

And I don’t want to feel confused anymore. I don’t want to question where I stand. I don’t want to feel like I’m asking for too much when I’m really just asking for the bare minimum of effort, intention, and care.

I want someone who is sure about me. Someone who shows up. Someone who goes above and beyond not because I asked, but because they want to.

And even though the jury is still out… I’m okay with that.

Because I’d rather wait for something that feels right than settle for something that doesn’t.

So for anyone in their 20s feeling lonely, stuck, or scared you won’t find love… I get it. I really do.

I’ve felt that too.

But I truly believe the right kind of love is worth waiting for. The kind that sees you, values you, and never makes you feel like you have to be anything less than who you are.

There were also so many moments this year that reminded me how full life can be.

Turning 27 surrounded by my favorite people, with Andi planning the most insane speakeasy bar crawl in the city. Meeting my coworkers in November, getting dressed up for a gala, finally putting faces to names and realizing how much I genuinely like the people I work with.

And ending 2025 going into 2026 by doing something that honestly scared me… traveling solo to Egypt and Jordan.

A trip that completely changed me.

Even though I was nervous going alone and didn’t know what to expect, I met two incredible women, Desiree and Shaniece, who made the experience unforgettable. It reminded me that the world is so big… and that there are still so many people and moments waiting for you.

Living in the greatest city. Being single and surrounded by the most incredible women. Going to church on Sundays with Andi, roommate and bff for the last 6 years (CRAZY). Having a career that allows me to create, write, and talk about my favorite thing… travel.

And learning that life doesn’t have to be just one thing forever.

Life does move on after teaching.

Not in a way that erases it. Not in a way that makes it any less meaningful.